If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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