youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
