I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
