At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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