Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
