i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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