He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
