quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
