Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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