Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
