Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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