He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize