I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
