So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
