If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
