Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
