i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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