i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
