Barsexuality is the new black.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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