On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
