in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
