Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its about making memories worth repressing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
