history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
