That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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