I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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