between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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