i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is half of my head shaved?
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