So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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