At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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