Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So much rum. So many feels.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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