I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
