I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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