Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I faked an abortion last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
