So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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