did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
