I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
