Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
