I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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