Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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