you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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