you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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