we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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