I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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