New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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