She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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