So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Rumble strips road head = magical
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
