Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
