worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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