he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
is it fun? or sober?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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