I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
