I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
