i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
