I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
