I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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