I wanna bring you to show and tell
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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