I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
