Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
