I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
