I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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