last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The air was thick with penises
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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