I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
