You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Congratulations! We have a period
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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