What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
