I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
