Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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