I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
