trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your penis caused this!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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