I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Green mimosas i think yes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
