remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
