she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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