I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
