So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
