I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
