i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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